Pain and Love and Other Synonyms
by BloodlinesFan
Summary: Tae and Jungkook are in love with each other, but neither of them knows it. They keep finding themselves in situations where they hurt each other and it's only a matter of time before the pain overcomes their love. Jungkook's heart always hurts whenever he hears Tae laugh and Tae always feels like crying when he sees Jungkook smile. Is their love worth all the pain?


The concert ended as it always did. ARMY was screaming, showing their love to all of them with tears and sweat. It was moments like this in which Tae would just bask in the love. He smiled, sweat dripping down his face profusely, but he would smile forever whenever he thought of moments like this. He walked alongside Suga and Jimin to the front of the stage. They clasped hands and bowed down together in synchronized movements that were only natural because of how well all of them knew each other. The cries and screams of the fans were deafening and the lights were blinding and Tae had never felt his heart be more full of joy than at this very moment. The floor began to lower them down and Tae kept his smile on for ARMY until they could no longer see him. His smile dropped as he felt the full impact of his exhaustion hit him.

The team were all congratulating them on a job well done, telling them the concert was a huge success and Tae gave small smiles when he could find the energy to do so. He walked down the long corridor until he reached the resting room with the rest of the guys.

"Woooh!" Somehow J-Hope still had some energy and he ran around the room, rustling everyone's hair. Suga punched him in the stomach, eliciting laughs from everyone else, Tae included.

"Are you still 5?" asked Suga in his signature disgruntled voice. He leaned back against his chair, his eyes closed, and his face was etched in a frown.

"5 and a half, I believe," Jimin responded, rustling Suga's hair fondly. Suga opened his eyes and glared, but somehow it wasn't as cold. "I don't think his brain will ever grow past that, unfortunately. Scientists have declared it a scientific mystery."

"Alright guys, settle down," said RM. "I want to take a moment for us to talk about how the concert went."

"It was fine," said Sugam getting up. "Can we go sleep now?"

"No," Jimin said, throwing a couch pillow at him. "Sit back down."

Suga groaned, but sat back down.

"I think it went great the first half," said Jin. "But I do think there were some mistakes, more than usual, in the second half." Even though Jin said this while looking at everyone, Tae knew he was directing it at him. Well, him and -

"I don't think it was more mistakes than usual," said Jungkook, speaking for the first time. Tae looked, almost against his will, towards his voice. His curly, black hair was wet and it made it shine, as if there were diamonds within his hair. Jungkook looked exhausted, as tired as Tae felt. It made him want to go to him and hug him, and maybe before he would have. But right now it felt weird. So instead, Tae just stared at him as he spoke.

"I feel like we all did a good job until the very end, we each out our passion and hearts into it, so that's what matters."

Tae barely held in his scoff. Jin didn't.

"You and Tae were the ones messing up the most!" Jin's voice was a bit harsh, and RM put a hand on his shoulder. Jin pushed his hair back in frustration.

Jimin shot a worried look at Tae, but Tae pretended not to see it. He had nothing to say. There was nothing wrong, so there was no point in talking about it.

"We're sorry we weren't at our best today," Jungkook said. _Good,_ thought Tae viciously. _He should be the one apologizing._

As if he could hear his venomous thoughts, Jungkook finally looked at Tae. It felt like the first time he had seen him all day long, but it had only been since the second half of the concert that Jungkook had avoided his gaze. The two locked eyes, and Tae could have sworn he felt his heartbeat reach him from across the room.

As he stared into Jungkook's eyes, he thought back to the moment of the concert in which everything fell apart, including Tae.

_They had just finished performing FAKE LOVE, and they talked to ARMY while they each caught their breaths. Tae went to where Jungkook was standing with Jimin and hugged them both. He put his arms around their necks and brought them close to him, causing them to yelp in pain. They both pushed him away, but they were all laughing. Suga, J-Hope and RM were entertaining the crowd with the time Suga tried and failed to bake brownies. Tae laughed at Suga's betrayed face, and looked at Jungkook._

_As what always happened, Tae became entranced. He couldn't look away even if he wanted to. Jungkook held his stare and gave him a smile back, and Tae became enamored with the way the sweat dripped down his face onto his neck. He wasn't aware of what he was doing, but before he knew it, he was in front of Jungkook, lifting a hand to wipe the sweat off his neck. His hand lingered though, resting on his Adam's apple, and he made a swiping motion with his thumb. Tae felt Jungkook swallow, hard, and that reaction caused Tae to bite his lips as he continued staring at Jungkook._

"_Don't," came the strangled whisper from Jungkook. Tae could almost feel each of the letters against his thumb that was pressed against his throat. Somehow, that made the words worse. He pulled his hand away as if he had just been electrocuted. Jungkook was already walking away and all Tae could do was stare. _

_All the other members got into position to perform Blood, Sweat & Tears, but Tae stood standing. Why was he always the one left standing, with his heart in his hands, after Jungkook? Jungkook didn't even look as if anything had happened. He seemed cool and collected, ready to perform another song. He even had the audacity to smile._

_Jimin called Tae's name, and Tae shook himself out of his trance. He jogged over to his spot and decided to get rid of all thoughts pertaining to Jungkook. If he wanted to pretend that nothing had happened, then Tae could do the same. He put on his most brilliant smile as the song began._

_For the rest of the concert, Tae kept his smile bright. He smiled and laughed and danced with all the members, except for the one who had his heart. It was painful, pretending to be happy when all Tae wanted to do was crumble and cry. _

_When it came time to perform The Truth Untold, Tae honestly didn't believe he would be able to make it without crying. However, he tried to stay strong for the fans. When Jungkook's part came to sing the "I want you" line, Tae had to look over. It was a secret tradition of theirs to always look at each other when Jungkook sang that line. Tae wasn't sure who started it nor if it really meant anything, but it was something they always did, no matter what. So Tae looked up at Jungkook as he sang those words, but found him with his eyes closed. Tae kept looking, hopelessly, but Jungkook continued singing his line without ever opening his eyes._

_It would have hurt a lot less if Jungkook had just punched him in the throat. _

_Tae's throat felt swollen and he knew he was about to break down and cry any moment. Not now, he told himself. Later tonight you can, but not now. _

_Tae smiled through the rest of the song while he felt his heart splinter and crack with every word._

_For the rest of the concert, Tae didn't look at Jungkook. He smiled and danced and only thought about how he would be able to break down and cry soon enough. It was that thought that gave him the strength to continue on. When they all bowed at the end, a tear slipped from Tae's eyes, but by the time they stood back up, it just looked like another line of sweat dripping down his cheek. _

Tae could feel the back of his throat burning with unshed tears that were desperate to come out. However, he refused to cry in front of Jungkook.

Jungkook opened his mouth, but Tae got up from the couch and bowed quickly. "I will train all day tomorrow to make sure that I am at my best for tomorrow's concert. I am sorry for messing up today. It's all on me." His voice sounded robotic, but he didn't care. He just wanted to get out of there.

"Wait, Tae…" RM's voice followed him out the room, but Tae didn't stop. He walked quickly down the corridor until he reached the golf cart that would take him to the car which would take him to the hotel. He was sharing a room with Jungkook, but he would be fast asleep before Jungkook could come and see his tears.


End file.
